Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Star Wars The Force Awakens Review: NO SPOILERS!

I saw the Star Wars The Force Awakens world premier and here is my spoiler free review...

I can’t tell you how, but Monday night I was able to secure a seat at the most hyped event in the galaxy, the world premier of Star Wars The Force Awakens. It was the experience of a lifetime to meet all the stars and then attend the after-party on George Lucas’s mega yacht shaped like the Millennium Falcon.  I saw everything, from the red carpet to the final scene, and all I can say is 'What a movie!'
This is the type of film that causes a reaction when its over, one that gives you an opinion about the film. Now I promised no spoilers at all, so I will do my best to review the movie and let you know what to expect without giving away too much…

Harrison Ford (Han Solo) and Wife Calista Flockhart (Chewbacca)
Chewie We're Back 

First of all be ready to get a blast from the past; parts of this movie are like heat seeking nostalgia missiles headed right for the feels. The one part where a significant character from the previous films makes his/ her first appearance on screen, the audience went crazy and you will too.  The whole movie reminded me, and many I talked to, of the other six Star Wars films.  From Jedi’s wielding Light Sabers, I won’t say who, to Storm Troopers missing their targets; this was just like all the classics. 

Perhaps the best part of the movie is the villains. 

The movie picks up at some point in the future after Luke and the Rebellion maybe defeated the Empire, possibly destroying the Emperor/ Darth Vader and the Sith as a whole.  The Rebels could not have predicted who and how this movie's antagonist rose/continued/want’s to spread injustice around the galaxy. The leader of the dark side is… I really shouldn’t give this away, but rest assured you are going to love to hate him/her/it.  Just as in the previous movies the villains will be wearing black and using red light sabers to distinguish themselves as the bad guys.
"ABSOLUTELY NO PHOTOGRAPHY IN THE THEATER"... didn't stop me from snapping this sick pic.

Like all Star Wars movies this film comes down to good versus evil, the dark side pitted against the light side.

Even my dear personal friend Joseph Gordon-Levitt nerd-ed out
The characters are all memorable and many will make awesome toy figures your kids and inner kid will want to buy–Disney is banking on it. I can reveal that Jar Jar Binks and all other traces of Lucas’s racist aberrations from the most recent trilogy are nowhere near this production; disappointing internet fan-boys everywhere who were convinced by the theory that Binks was in fact a Sith Lord. Also bet on the droids, specifically BB-8, the rolling, extremely marketable, ball of joy, to have a spunky personality that should not be possible for an artificial being.

Not even produce is safe from Disney's campaign for Star Wars world domination


Star Wars may still be the creation of George Lucas, but this movie is un-mistakably a J.J. Abrams affair.  Known for his ability to balance convoluted plots and extremely frustrating cliffhangers with over zealous use of lens flare, Abrams delivers yet again.  When this movie ends with a cliff hangar of a scene many are calling the best in Star Wars history, you will be desperate for the next film to come out.  Is the ending’s twist related to Luke Skywalker who has purposely been left out of any promotional material for the film but who’s actor, Mark Hamill, is on the film's cast? I’m not telling.

It was amazing to be at the world premier sitting between Harrison Ford and James Earl Jones adorning full Darth Vader garb. It was even more amazing when J.J. offered me a role in the next film.  I hope this review convinces you 100% that I was at the premier and that The Force Awakens is a movie that you will see regardless of what I say.


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